3some coosome

Went out to get some air last night. As usual it was at Starbucks Gateway, the place i normally go to cool down. Yesterday afternoon was yet another "init-ulo" episode. The usual reason this past 2 weeks.

I like Starbucks Gateway. Its not that bustling and yet not that dead quiet either. Havent been there for quite some time. The baristas there are some sort of my friends. Lalo na yung isa. Hehehe. Thats another story.

As I was simmering in one of there benches outside, smoking my lungs out, with a scowl on my face (gawd! this might get permanent!), blankly staring into nothing, a guy came up to me and asked "Mind if I sit down?". With furrowed brows I looked if there were other vacant seats. To my dismay, wala. Although I didnt want to share my table, i figured, what the fuck, he is kinda cute anyway and had the wiff of something fishy (landi talaga! hahaha), so I just vaguely waved my hand and barely audibly uttered "yeah sure, whatever". After a few minutes, another guy arrived with their drinks (not bad looking either..hmmm). Based on how the first guy's face lit up when the other guy arrived, they were apparently partners. I gave an inward groan "tang ina, nananadya ba talaga??!"

As the 2nd guy approached, he was polite to ask me "dude, ok lang if we share your table?". Even though i wanted to be alone,i just gave a barely perceptible shrug and a curt tungo of the head, hell his partner was already sitting there and there were no seat available (note that even though im not social to strangers normaly, much more if im in a foul mood, im not rude).

Minding my own business, I just sipped my fave drink (venti strawberries and cream, no whip) and was going through more than half of my first pack of yosi patay-sindi , fumigating my side of the table, when out of the blue 2nd guy asked me "dude, are you ok?". Brows furrowing, defense mode up, "yeah" was all i said. Then 1st guy aked "may problema ba? mukhang gusto mo mang bigwas ng tao eh. at easy lang sa yosi". I was about to deliver a blistering retort but their cute smiles stopped me short (hala lagot! malandi!!! hahahaha). 2nd guy then introduced themselves. And thats when i got to know Gino (first guy) and Allen/Al (2nd guy) a happy couple.

Friendly people they are. Under normal circumstances, i dont talk to strangers, but with these guys, i became friendly. Probably because they were nice, polite and their smiles were genuine and maybe i wanted to forget whats eating me. At first it was isang tanong-isang sagot but later on, i loosened up with Gino's corny jokes and Al's smart quips. Their laughs were infectous. Havent had a good laugh for quite sometime. After the ritual getting-to-know-you routine and when we were all comftable with each other, Al popped the question which i dreaded for them to ask. "want to have sex with us?" hahahaha! nah, not that question (theyre not into open relationship thingy.. the thought floated in my head though...), he asked "whats seems to be the problem?" Not wanting to rant on whats bothering me, i tried (though unsuccesfully) to divert the topic.

I asked them instead, "what gave you the idea na may problema ako?" It was halatang halata daw. "Im pissed off" was written allover my face and i had barely contained hostility when they approached. Jahe!! hahahaha! And i was smoking like a chimney. Well, they caught me. Might as well bring the cat out of the bag. I narrated the events that took place the past month or so. Whats good with telling it to complete strangers is they are not tainted with biases (like my barkada who would automatically take my side in any situation). They did not judge me or that person. Its universal however when they said that why should i care for someone who obviously doesnt care how i feel? If that person doesnt think about how you feel with his words or actions, obviously does not care. Bakit ganon i asked them. They didnt know the answer. Only i daw can answer that.

We spent the whole night til closing time talking and laughing. Had a great time with those two dudes. Im thankful that even though they didnt know me, they took the time to cheer me up. Nothing new came out of there advices though. Coz ive been hearing them quite a number of times now. Except for one thing, they said its ok to loathe that person. Its all but normal. Gino started to say something that sounded charismatic which almost made my eyes roll skyward but it didnt. He said, "If God can forgive, 7 times 777 (or something), why cant we?" and he went on saying that "but were not God. God can forgive because He's God". Wow. that was profound. Tama nga naman.

Aba aba, novela ito! hahahahaha! alam kong wala kayong pakialam, gusto ko lang i-share... bwahahaha

Hala lagot!?!!!


My temper the past week can be described as simmering, in a rolling boil to seething. All because I am or was pissed off. I snap with the smallest remark to me. Its been one of the most grueling weeks for me in my entire adult life. Emotionally that is.

The usually suplado yet sunny disposition I have, became irritable and waspish. Not a pretty site. I had this scowl fixed on my face (its true, frowning is tiring.. what more a scowl..). I was in a very, very fetid mood. Everyone in my immediate vicinity were targets of my ire. Family, friends, officemates, even total strangers.

But life has its own way of telling us, “What the fuck?? Umayos ka nga?!!”. Sometimes its subtle, there are times it comes like a raging bull, and there are times when its just down-right hilarious that its like a splash of ice cold water on your warm balls (that feeling would surely jolt you back to your senses).

My wake-up call from my stupor or despondent state came to me this morning on my way home from work. Was not in the mood to wait in line for the FX so I decided to take the cab. Running low on cash flow, I got off a few blocks away from our street. I had to cross a busy street so while waiting for the traffic to slow down, I took out my kaha of smokes and got a stick. As I was about to put the stick of Marlboro lights in my mouth, a greasy woman (taong grasa) came up to me and said “Boss, akin nalang yan”. Without batting an eye or changing the scowl on my face, I handed it to her. What lightened up my mood that morning was when she actually posed for me to light the yosi for her. With a smirk, I did light her yosi. “Aba, ayus ah. iba ka” was the thought in my head. After her first drag, she thanked me (here comes the whole point of this story… ang tagal noh?) and said “Wag ka na magalit sa kanya. OK na yun.” Literally my jaw dropped. The only thing I uttered was “Hala lagot!”. Before I could ask her what does she mean, she was off sashaying in the busy street. She almost got hit though she didn’t mind at all.

The whole point of this rant is, was my anger really, as in really that obvious that even a deranged woman can tell? Her remark left me standing at the curb dumbfounded. And then it hit me. Why do I have to be pissed off? What’s the point? Will things turn to my favor if I stay mad? No. Will it bring me any good? Obviously not. While walking home, again I realized that I myself hate myself when I’m mad. What more the people around me. Why should I spread my poison to those who truly love me? Diba?

And for that, as much I grudgingly didn’t want to do it (because of my pride), inayos ko na ulit. Though I don’t know what will happen now that I did, at least I wouldn’t be consumed with my anger and hatred anymore. I did my move. I think its high time for me to wait for the next.

What the fuck?????????????


Spare me from your faux apology, insincere sorrow, and feigned remorse. ENOUGH of your blathering. Your words are hollow. Bereft of all meaning. Hear-felt drivel coupled with nothing just shows the sincerity. And you have the audacity to ask for forgiveness. Iba ka, gboy. You take the cake.

Issues smissues.........

Its a fact. We all have our issues, inner demons to face, hang-up's in life. but its up to ourselves to keep it under control so that it wont consume us.

Not putting it infront of ourselves and affect how we deal with people around us.

If you got hurt, was mis-treated, ignored, fooled, played, somebody made you look like a complete ass in the past, dont make ganti to the next guy who chances upon liking you.

He doesnt have to go through and suffer the brunt of your issues. Set it aside and deal with it seperately. If you can't or won't, dont drag him into it. Alam mo yan from the start. You had those issues floating in your head before you two met.

And also, dont make/use them as the excuse. "Im Sorry, i have issues" or "Im sorry for being an asshole" or "Im sorry i have wronged you big time", Plang! Like that??? How convenient.

One Roller Coaster ride after another and another and another.....


Just got off from yet another roller coaster ride of my life. Come to think of it, that has been the trend with the direction of the path which im taking this year. One roller coaster ride (complete with all the fast twists and turns, loops, dead drops, slow climbs, the time where your left hangin in the air and in a blink of an eye plummets down with amazing speed) after another. True to its nature, roller coasters is a fun ride and yet, at the same time, can scare the beejeezus out of you.

I can say my life is one big roller coaster ride, well in terms of relationships that is. It feels like a never ending ride. Well, yeah there are interludes like when i get off one, but its like Im never off the ramp, in-line for the next. It seems that I never get tired of it. Maybe its the buzz that I get after a long plunge down and things are moving up, or maybe the head-rush that I feel when im on it after going through a series of loops, and maybe its the anxious feeling i get when im hangin upside down, waiting for the dive down.

Exciting, yes. Tiring, very. I wonder if I will ever get off this roller coaster ride. As the pessimistic sod that I am, I think its my karma. But there is one insy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, tiniest of tiny sliver of optimism inside me saying that one day I will get of this ride for good and be on a smooth sailing cruise with me smiling from ear to ear. Undeniably, there will be bumps, pit-stops, and flat tires along the way, thats for sure. But all of those would be minor and a most welcome exchange from heart stopping, drain-the-blood-out-of-your-face, ride a roller coaster has to offer.

I may have failed trying, but at least I never failed to try. As they say, its better to have loved than to have never loved at all. Well in this lastt attempt things didnt go smoothly. Not as strong and resillient as I used to. Well im not sure if it was love, but im damn sure it was something close to that.

Life or the world in general is full of shit, one should hold his head up high to get away from the stench.

And the beat goes on...la-lalalala-la-lalalala (gawd! i still cant sing...ahehehehe)

Mother Load of Dog Turd....

was browsing through some profiles at one of the sites im a member of... found this...

same sex relationship can never be perfect..you can never force your partner to be faithful in the same way that even a "boy-girl" relationship can never be..what is important is that at the end of the day you find each other on your side and your happy knowing that he is yours..we need to enjoy the relationship while it last..for if you waste your time in doubts and insecurities, you will never appreaciate how wonderful it is to fall in love..to get hurt is a fact that we bargain when we choose to love..but hey, know what - loving is the essence of our existence..that is the reason why we were created - to love..and so let us not count the times that we were hurt..rather count the times we smiled, we laughed, we love..when we grow old, we regret nothing because we have loved and that we let those whom we love feel that we love them..let us not waste time on doubting that our present relationship might not work or that our partner might be playing around with someone else..we just continue to love...